MONKEY REVIEW: Untraceable

May 18, 2008

Idiotic, cliched, wholly implausible and annoying hypocritical pastiche of Saw and The Silence Of The Lambs: A killer rigs Web sites so that his/her victims die faster and more horrific deaths the more hits the site gets. It’s supposed to be an indictment of Internet audiences who flock to sites depicting violence and horror, but then Untraceable doesn’t have any problem showing ITS audience copious gory violence and horror. But then it’s making a point, so that’s different, of course. In any case, anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of the Internet and Internet security will be hooting and hollering at the screen the more ridiculous Untraceable gets, and boy, does it get pretty ridiculous. Especially choice moments include a scene where FBI agents get the news that they won’t be able to use the NSA’s “supercomputer” (singular, because it’s just one really big ass one) because “they don’t want anyone to know their capabilities.” Like aiding in the capture of criminals committing felonies, including murder and various cybercrimes, on an international stage? Yeah, you wouldn’t want it to get out that the NSA actually serves a function. Oh, and if you’re thinking Interpol then, well, apparently Interpol doesn’t exist in the Untraceable universe. However, the FBI superior officer that puts the kabosh on all the good ideas forwarded by the brilliant FBI detective heroine (Diane Lane) does exist in its dumb universe, saying things about the killer like, “Well, you don’t think he’d really do something like that, do you?” Duh! But then Lane plays the kind of FBI detective that has no problem keeping sensitive, unencrypted files on a wireless, apparently anti-virus program free home network, so there’s that. Anyway, you get the picture. Bad, bad movie. I was ready to shut it off at the 42 and the 60 minute marks, but I forced myself to finish it: You have an easier choice, as you can just choose not to watch it.

P.S. (And very mild spoiler!) If anyone can tell me what the hell the ending was supposed to be about, do let me know. And were 17 million people about to go to jail or what?


(For a brief explanation of the Monkey Review rating system, click here.)


One Response to “MONKEY REVIEW: Untraceable”

  1. ecopreservationsociety Says:

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